PTSD- You do not struggle alone.

Updated: Oct 21, 2019

If you have stumbled across this blog, it is because you are in search of answers. Be it your first attempt in finding answers, or be it your one millionth attempt, whichever the case I am very glad you’re here. You are NOT ALONE with what you are going through.

You see, I am married to a USMC Veteran who has suffered through Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since he came home from his final tour in Afghanistan, in 2011. I am here to tell you that there is a cure, and there is true freedom from PTSD.

If this is what you are searching for, please continue reading.....

*Now, contrary to popular belief, the cure for PTSD is not found at the bottom of a Jameson bottle. Though many find that is the most comfortable place to go searching for help, the end result is never truly what you’re looking for.

My Husband and I tried it. We spent 7 nights a week, trying to drown his pain in whiskey and rum, and I can tell you story after story about how those drunk nights resulted in screaming, fighting, physical abuse, and emotional trauma so deep, it is still taking time to heal from.

As we all learned at a young age, alcohol slows communication to the brain and acts as a depressant to the central nervous system. This is why it seems like the obvious choice when you just want to forget, but the problem is, unless you drink to the point of blacking out, it’s impossible to forget, and even when you do drink to the blackout point, you’re going to eventually wake up and the memories will have gone nowhere.

I have learned that all alcohol truly does best, is bring out the worst side of PTSD; the anger. Alcohol accentuates that fear you are feeling deep down inside, and makes it nearly impossible to truly communicate resulting in the explosion of pure, raw, and uncontrollable rage.

The bottom line is, alcohol does nothing for PTSD but make it worse. It took me and my husband four long years, countless fights, an arrest, separation from our marriage, and plummeting into serious debt before we realized that drinking was NOT the solution.

I’m going to say it. If you drink to forget, you must STOP. Now. Or I can guarantee you will never find freedom.

If you are still with me after saying all of that, than awesome. Thank you! Let’s keep moving forward.

In 2015 I wrote this poem:

To be full of anger, But afraid of the rage.

To wish for respect, But demand it forcefully.

To desire to be feared, But despise those who fear me.

To love someone entirely, But treat them as my enemy.

To feel pride for my country, But hate for those who live in it.

To have many blessings, But feel like a complete failure.

To long for freedom, But cannot open the unlocked door.

This is my PTSD.

07.01.15 T.L.

I wrote this after yet another rough night of getting drunk with my husband resulting in a terrible fight, and crying myself to sleep. I remember watching my husband’s face as he read it. I could tell it rang true.

PTSD is an extremely tough issue to handle. It affects every day life, and makes tiny issues seem enormous. It makes it difficult to breathe, sleep, eat, and even think clearly. The kicker is, there are so many different storms in life that can cause PTSD. Not just going to war.

My husband’s PTSD developed from fighting in two wars during his time with The Marines. My PTSD developed from handling his PTSD.

See, even after all we went through, I still, to this day, struggle with the emotional triggers that are brought on by the years of dealing with my then very angry, and abusive husband.

I’ve found it hard to trust that he has changed, though deep down I know he has because he proves it to me daily, but it’s still difficult.

Many times, I would want to revert back to who he was, and treat him as such, which is dangerous to our relationship. I also found that in dealing with my PTSD issues, I took things out on people who had no idea what I went through, aka, my children. Those poor babes dealt with me screaming and yelling and getting so frustrated I’d have to go downstairs and just beat the floor.

Do you want to know how my husband and I overcame our versions of PTSD? God.

Hold on, hold on. Don’t stop reading just yet. I know just saying the word ‘God’ can immediately turn people away, I know many have found what they feel is proof that God is not real, and I know there are some VERY convincing studies about how God is a hoax, but I and my husband are LIVING PROOF that He IS real.

There is no way my husband would be the man he is today, without opening the Bible, reading about the Grace and Love of the Lord, and accepting things for what they are and forgiving HIMSELF. My husband had to forgive himself. Hearing me? He had to give himself grace for what he had done and been through, and face the fact that he did what he did, and he is forgiven.

He studied the Bible daily (in the book of Proverbs, in case you’re wondering), and he prayed for the grace to forgive himself and accept the things he was unable to change.

God is healing him. Through the Bible, through amazing friends who are there for him, and yes, even through me, God is able to deliver him from the stronghold of PTSD, and, when I finally hit my breaking point, after years of learning how to trust and accept my husband’s changed heart, I also began the journey of healing through the Lord.

God is not just some “thing” floating up in the sky. He is a truth that you must let yourself trust in. He speaks to our hearts through written word, the Bible. He shows his power through love, grace, and forgiveness. Everyone can find Him. Easily. You don’t need to walk into a church to find God, you just need to look inside your soul.

How? Answer me this, does it ever feel like you have a blank space you can’t explain? Does it ever feel like your life has just been lacking something that you can’t pin point? If you answered ‘yes’ to either of those, that is because your soul KNOWS it’s missing God’s freedom.

God is freedom. Freedom from anger, freedom from fear, freedom from the internal suffering.

So many are skeptical or closed minded to believing in God. I get that. That is because God gets presented to people like this ‘cure all’ that will make life easy, so they “try” it and then find that their lives don’t actually become instantly amazing. Thus…. He must not be real, right? Wrong.

We are still human, we will still have rough times, we will still suffer, but with the freedom of the Lord in our hearts, we can endure these things with strength in abundance!

You have the ability to CHOOSE whether or not you let life destroy your mind, because you actually have another option! LIFE!

If you want to begin the processes of healing from your PTSD, begin by purchasing a bible or downloading a free bible app, and reading the book of Proverbs. Really, read it. Then, reach out.

Ask questions. Ask me questions! I would love to help you in any way I can. If you truly want healing and help, this is how you do it. It is life changing.

Take the leap.

Let God heal you from PTSD.

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